4 Step Guide to Healing from Emotional Pain

Healing from painful experiences and looking pass them is a good way of preventing a negative chain reaction of multiple frustrations in our lives. Having low moments and icy situations are common human experiences. Though the magnitude of the situation may differ from person to person, they cause pain, hurt and misery. It could be a molestation experience; broken relationship; a divorce; offense against a loved one; loss of a job/opportunity; death of a loved one; etc. Icy situations can break even the bravest of heart and if they don’t acknowledge it and get back on their feet, they may end up freezing in the ice.

When you stay too long in pain and hurt, the tendency is to lose grip on your values, your worth, your goals and ambitions etc. Your negative thoughts and stressful state of mind overwhelm your subconscious self with your fears and your inabilities which results to more frustrating experiences. You my even adopt bad habits as a means of quick relief from the thoughts and stress, such as alcohol and drug use etc which may lead to an addiction in due course. This is because as days go by you may be tempted to increase the quantity so that the relief can last longer and before you know it, you are faced with an addiction, making your situation worse. You end up with multiple wrongs which can never make a right.

A timely intervention on healing is the only way to break through and melt down the ice wall. It is the only way to freedom and peace because it brings about a rebirth of the mind and boosts the connection between your soul and your spirit. However, healing is a gradual process and must not be rushed so that it can be long lasting. Thus healing should be done by adopting and committing to certain principles that will bring about a gradual but permanent change in your inner self, and eventually reflect in your life.


 Four step Guide to healing


Renew Your Mind:

Renewing your mind is about acknowledging pain, and allowing yourself the ability to heal with positive thoughts.  By acknowledging your pain you need to understand the causes of the hurt, and if you contributed to it in anyway, you admit your errors and challenge yourself to forgiveness. Remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Thus to every desperate situation, there is a positive sight of it which is often ignored but if taken into consideration it could be a lead way to healing. For example, you might have been molested or abused but think about the fact that you were not murdered in the course of it because your molesters could have killed you to hide their evil and their shame.

You might have lost a loved one and grief is hurting you. Start thinking of them as being around you but in a different form and consider the fact that they are watching your back. It might have been a job or opportunity you lost; remember your skills were never taken from you.

It could have been a divorce-don’t think about your investment in the relationship, rather think of what you can gain being single and what you can do for yourself that can attract the right person your path.

Just thinking of the bright side to every painful experience, keeps your mind in check and you can better face the situation. Renewing your mind will make you approach your challenges, pain and hurt with the right attitude. It will gradually erase the negative thoughts and fears in your subconscious and this will start replacing your low moments with hopeful and happy experiences. With a renewed mind, you start speaking positively and making more use of positive words.

The Word:

This is about positive affirmations. It is speaking positive words into troubled areas of your life. It is about using words to shed light on the darkness of your mind. Words are meant to create or destroy which is why you are often advised to be mindful of the things you listen to and the things you say about yourself. Using negative words in your life brings about more problems than solutions.

On the other hand, positive words shut down negative situations and bring about a turn over. You use words to express emotions such as fear, anger, pain, hurt, happiness, pleasure etc. When you express fear, you feel even more frightened; when you express anger, the rage increases. When you express happiness you feel happier and have more happy thoughts. When you express pleasure, you get horny etc.

Every time you use a word to express a particular feeling, or situation, you generate thoughts on it. In the same way, every time you use positive words in your low moments, you redirect your mind to think positively and redirect positive energy in your path which comes with a lot of positive feelings and experiences. For example, think about the day you woke up feeling grumpy and moody and your thoughts were all sad ones until you were complemented for your beauty and you suddenly felt light and good. This is because the positive words you heard brought in positive energy and uplifted your mind and you began feeling great and other good things about yourself sprang up to your mind.

Words are very powerful. Committing to the use of positive words is very good because they sink deep into your mind and form positive reactions in your body. They continuously generate positive thoughts in your mind and any thought that comes and stays in your mind affects your life.


Sometimes you are trapped in your challenges and hurt because of something you are holding against someone or against yourselves. You find it so difficult to let go so much that you wake up in the morning with bitter plans of revenge and you continuously make attempts to pay back your offender in their own coins. You put yourself in chains and slow down your growth each time you hold something against someone. This is because you lock up your inner self, making it difficult for it to access your abilities. This is why you find yourself struggling in other areas of your life which make your frustrations worse, giving you even more reason to hate, blame and plan more revenge.

Same applies to when you are unforgiving of yourself. When you know you are to blame for the unpleasant situations others are facing and you continuously blame yourself, you also put yourself on hold. You shut down your progress in life.

So irrespective of what it is, forgiveness is very important to healing. You can do this by confessions and freeing your mind of whatever it is that is holding you down. You can also reach out to the person who angered you and vent out but you must be ready to accept the apologies and let go there after.  Forgiveness has so much healing powers that it can free anyone form self imprisonment and replace it with relief.

Self Appreciation:

Everyone has something to be thankful for and to appreciate in themselves because everyone has a unique gift/talent with unique abilities on how to use it. You are the only you on this earth and only you can do the things you do the way you do. That is how special and beautiful you are. Therefore appreciating yourself is a way of acknowledging that you are worthy and special and that you can do the things you set your mind to do. It is about thinking of the positive things people compliment you for and do them often. Self appreciation uplifts the mind and plants goal oriented thoughts and ideas, making you see yourself as a powerhouse of potentials. It sets the pace for your ambitions and your dreams.  Focus on those areas of your life you are proud of and use them to get to those dreams you desire. For example, remember those times you helped a neighbor and how good you felt doing it and how much you wanted to do more. Self appreciation breeds so much positive energy in one’s life.


When you follow these steps, you would break the ice in your life and enjoy a more peaceful and progressive life. You would bring your body, mind and spirit in harmony and  by this you can unlock your God given potentials and live life happily.




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  1. I would add Professional Counseling. I’ve seen people have psychotic breaks with reality after the death of a loved one. Some people just aren’t strong and affirmations are Not going to do it for them. Other people go off the deep end when things don’t go their way especially on the job and attack their co-workers either verbally or physically. America has a huge workplace violence problem, domestic violence and sexually harassment and attacks against women. I have personally gone through these situations. Truthfully Life has moved along but rape and any type of violence changes you for life whether you choose to admit it or not. Abusers leave an imprint on your life. All the Bible verses in the world can never erase that incident and its impact. After over 40 years I still what happened is still in my memory and has affected most of my relationships. That’s a truth I must live with.

    • Thank you for stopping and for being so open. I truly appreciate.
      Life would always have its storms because that’s what makes the seasons in life. One thing experience has taught me is the fact that the only source of light and strength to journey through the storm is God. Everyone has a scar-some caused by rape and others by other forms of abuse but one thing is sure. The reason why most people don’t see a scar for what it is, is because in the mind it is still a fresh wound. Thus every time they see it, the whole event recurs in their mind and make matters worse. No amount of counseling will help a person who hasn’t first forgiven because forgiveness is the first and most important step to walk pass the pain. To forgive someone is not to say the event will never be remembered. Only God has such powers to completely wipe out. However, when the memory comes up, it would be a story and not an event. With forgiveness, the bible verses will make more sense and have weight because the Holy Spirit, who gives understanding of the Word, will help you make meaning out of them. In the same way, affirmations will not work if the heart is full of hurt. This is because words are the only weapons we have against the darkness that surrounds us and how can darkness be in the heart and the mouth speak against it? It just won’t work. Forgiveness is the key. Even if you have never seen the person or don’t know where they live etc, call their names and release forgiveness unto them. Cast that burden unto Christ, He is waiting.

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