As we grow older the need for relationships increases and people get in to it for varied reasons.. Some people want a relationship just for the fun of it. Others want someone to complement them or someone they can complement. In other words, they want someone who has something they admire but might have as well as might not. Never the less, the reason for which we get into a relationship often reflects in the kind of crisis we later experience in the relationship. When a relationship starts being a source of pain and frustrations, it is considered sour and very often both parties may feel hurt by the situation but the one who expresses it feels the most pain. Learning how to handle such a relationship is very important, especially if you don’t want to leave the person.
3 Important Things to Do
- Forgiveness: Sometimes the only way out is to let go of the hurt and give yourself room to start afresh. Starting afresh doesn’t necessarily mean to leave the relationship; you can still be in it and have a fresh start. It is all in your mind. But whether you choose to leave the relationship or stay in it, you need to release the negative energy for that is the only way you can be at peace with yourself. When forgiveness is concerned, the offended needs as much forgiveness as the offender. It always takes two to tangle but the offended rarely share in the blame. If you are the kind of person who feels blameless and can’t see your contributions to your present frustrations, still forgive yourself for letting it happen in the first place and forgive the offender for the offense against you.
- Reconsider your Expectations: Most of our relationships are built on wrongly placed expectations. When an expectation is placed on anyone other than yourself, it is wrongly placed. But when you place your expectations in yourselves, you become determined to use the strengths of the other to improve upon your lives, rather than battle against their weaknesses. This is what often happens when people get into a relationship in order to satisfy a need. Some people feel powerless without their partners and as such lose their voice trying to live the lives of their partners and when things don’t turn out as expected, they feel used and exploited. Such is the result of wrongly placed expectations. Thus when a relationship gets sour, you need to reconsider where you placed your expectations. .
- Change Your Attitude: It is useless trying to change the things around you if you don’t change yourself. Nothing would get better around us if we don’t get better because change starts with us. Change is about improving on one’s self especially attitude. When we stop expecting others to make us happy, we start taking responsibilities for ourselves as we should. Even if we walk out of the relationship, we can be sure history would not repeat itself.
There are no perfect relationships here on earth but sometimes all it takes might be one of the three guides mentioned above to experience a turn around.
© 2017, Pauline Njah. All rights reserved.