5 Step Guide to Healing from Emotional Pain

Healing is a gradual process and it takes a conscious effort for a long lasting result to happen. Breaking free from the grip of yesterday’s hurt may sound impossible to you, but in reality, nothing is impossible if your set their mind to it. Irrespective of what the source of pain is, you can only see new things when you stop focusing on the old ones. If you stay too long in the darkness brought by pain, you may never see the sun, even when the sky is bright and blue. The reason why most people feel depressed, is because they have too long in their hurt. When your negative thoughts and stressful state of mind overwhelm your subconscious self you become loaded with fears and everything becomes meaningless, resulting to more frustrating experiences. It is therefore important to make the decision to leave the past behind you and start afresh. Looking pass the painful experiences of the past is  the best way to a brand new life full of peace.  

Below is a practical guide on how to go about it.

Step 1: Forgive others and yourself:

Forgiveness is the first and most important step to any form of healing. Forgiveness comes in two folds namely: the forgiveness of others, and forgiveness of self. You have to forgive yourself for any contribution you have towards the pain you feel. For example, for letting the offense hurt you for this long etc. Also forgive yourself for any hurt you have caused others. By forgiving yourself, you admit your errors, ask God to forgive you, and receive forgiveness.  Remember that everyone makes mistakes and your action doesn’t make you evil, if you truly repent of it. Forgiveness of self will heal your soul and  free you from all the guilt that brings you so much fear and frustrations. Guilt is so terrible because it will only bring you all that you fear and turn you into something you hate.

Also forgive others so that you can be free from their burden because there can be no true forgiveness of self without forgiveness of others. Failure to forgive others will keep you bounded and grounded in anguish. Forgiveness unbinds the chains which keeps your heart and mind imprisoned. Holding people down in your heart only keeps you in constant reminder of their offense or their guilt. This in turn keeps your mind busy with thoughts in alignment with this guilt and the response to this is fear, anger, revenge, lose of interest etc. You will never heal a wound if you keep scrubbing it. 

Always remember that you do not forgive people because they are sorry, but because you need to have peace.  Forgiveness is for you and not the offender.  Don’t bother about the offender because God will bring them to the consciousness of their offense and if they do not repent of it, they will pay for it. No one can cheat nature. Forgiveness keeps you in alignment with the laws of God and the result to this is peace and hope.  Failure to forgive  will leave you in bitterness and that will continuously affect everything and everyone around you until you let go. A bitter heart is like a poor tree that cannot bear good fruits.

The effects of unforgiveness is bitterness, bad attitude, lack of self esteem, negative control, loss of self worth, lose of interest, to mention a few. Nothing good comes out of such attributes because they put you in alignment with evil and that is the reason why a bitter heart attracts only a bad mood. 

Step 2: Renew Your Mind:

Renewing your mind starts with a total mind reset, understanding that there is a season to everything, and everything happens for a reason. It is coming to the understanding that everything works for your good, irrespective of what it is. Your pain, will turn around into your mission. Every bad experience carries a life lesson. Every door that closes opens up a window often bigger than the door and you need a new mind to see it. Such a mindset cannot be possible without total forgiveness. It takes a free, peaceful and hopeful heart to see things differently. Renewing your mind doesn’t come by chance. It is a choice you make and it takes continuous effort to keep it alive. A renewed mind brings you to the knowledge of who you are, it reminds you of your worth and gives you a drive on to your goals in life. It helps you find your potentials and leads you to your purpose.

Without a renewal of mind, you will be unable to fight back the negative thoughts that pop up to challenge your forgiveness and abilities among others. Just thinking of the bright side to every experience, keeps your mind in check and puts you in a better condition to fight back every negative thought. Renewing your mind will make you approach your challenges, pain and hurt with the right attitude. It will gradually erase the negative thoughts and fears in your subconscious and this will start replacing your low moments with hopeful and happy experiences. With a renewed mind, you start speaking positively and making more use of positive words.

In a nutshell, renewing your mind is opening the eyes of your heart and beginning to see the good in everything that happens so much such that even after a tear, you look for a reason to smile.

Step 3: Speak Right:

This is to speak words that bring about what is needed. It is speaking positive words, which are in alignment with the word of God, over  your life. When you speak the word of God over your life, you bring the Spirit of God into that situation. To speak rightly also means to use words to shed light on the darkness of your mind. That is to say, speak the opposite of every negative thought. Mind you that negative thoughts are the devil’s way of fighting you so always use positive words to speak back because positive words are in alignment with God’s words. Positive words shut down negative situations and bring about a turn over.

We all use words to express feelings, emotions, desires, etc. When you express fear, you feel even more frightened; when you express anger, the rage increases. When you express happiness you feel happier and have more happy thoughts. When you express pleasure, you get horny etc. Every time you use a word to express a particular feeling, or situation, you generate thoughts on it. In the same way, when you use positive words in your low moments, you redirect your mind to think positively and redirect positive energy in your path which comes with a lot of positive feelings and experiences. 

Every word spoken falls in alignment of either good or evil. Positive words are in alignment with good and the result is a manifestation of goodness. The reverse is equally true. Words are very powerful. Committing to the use of positive words is very good because they sink deep into your mind and increase your peace and your hope. They continuously generate positive thoughts in your mind and any thought that comes and stays in your mind affects your life.

Step 4: Appreciate yourself:

Prolong hurt is one thing that can steal people’s value and appreciation for self. Thus with inner peace, a renewed mind, your perceptions about yourself will begin to change gradually for good. Everyone has something to be thankful for and to appreciate in themselves because everyone has a unique gift/talent with unique abilities on how to use it. You are the only you on this earth and only you can do the things you do the way you do. That is how special and beautiful you are. Therefore appreciating yourself is a way of acknowledging that you are worthy and special and that you can do the things you set your mind to do. It is about thinking of the positive things people compliment you for and do them often. Self appreciation uplifts the mind and plants goal oriented thoughts and ideas, making you see yourself as a powerhouse of potentials. It sets the pace for your ambitions and your dreams.  Focus on those areas of your life you are proud of and use them to get to those dreams you desire. For example, remember those times you helped a neighbor and how good you felt doing it and how much you wanted to do more. Self appreciation breeds so much positive energy in one’s life.

Step 5: Seek Counseling:

Sometimes the burden in you might be too heavy to let go off. In such a situation, it is wise to seek counselling. The ability to talk to a neutral person about your situation frees you of the burden you carry. It is like telling your story to someone as openly as it is, without fear of judgment and contradiction. The good listening of a counselor can help you unlock every dark door of your life. It is like opening the lid of a trash can and all the stench runs out, giving room for fresh air to come in. Some counselors will also give you exercises to guide you along the steps I have mentioned above.

You might not have directly contributed to the hurt you feel but in order to heal and let go, you have to be directly involved. Healing is a personal choice.


When you follow these steps, you would break the ice in your life and enjoy a more peaceful and progressive life. You would bring your body, mind and spirit in harmony and  by this you can unlock your God given potentials and live life happily. Reflection: Ephesians 4:31-32. Ephesians 4:24




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Originally posted 2017-02-21 08:03:44. Republished by Blog Post Promoter




  1. I would add Professional Counseling. I’ve seen people have psychotic breaks with reality after the death of a loved one. Some people just aren’t strong and affirmations are Not going to do it for them. Other people go off the deep end when things don’t go their way especially on the job and attack their co-workers either verbally or physically. America has a huge workplace violence problem, domestic violence and sexually harassment and attacks against women. I have personally gone through these situations. Truthfully Life has moved along but rape and any type of violence changes you for life whether you choose to admit it or not. Abusers leave an imprint on your life. All the Bible verses in the world can never erase that incident and its impact. After over 40 years I still what happened is still in my memory and has affected most of my relationships. That’s a truth I must live with.

    • Thank you for stopping and for being so open. I truly appreciate.
      Life would always have its storms because that’s what makes the seasons in life. One thing experience has taught me is the fact that the only source of light and strength to journey through the storm is God. Everyone has a scar-some caused by rape and others by other forms of abuse but one thing is sure. The reason why most people don’t see a scar for what it is, is because in the mind it is still a fresh wound. Thus every time they see it, the whole event recurs in their mind and make matters worse. No amount of counseling will help a person who hasn’t first forgiven because forgiveness is the first and most important step to walk pass the pain. To forgive someone is not to say the event will never be remembered. Only God has such powers to completely wipe out. However, when the memory comes up, it would be a story and not an event. With forgiveness, the bible verses will make more sense and have weight because the Holy Spirit, who gives understanding of the Word, will help you make meaning out of them. In the same way, affirmations will not work if the heart is full of hurt. This is because words are the only weapons we have against the darkness that surrounds us and how can darkness be in the heart and the mouth speak against it? It just won’t work. Forgiveness is the key. Even if you have never seen the person or don’t know where they live etc, call their names and release forgiveness unto them. Cast that burden unto Christ, He is waiting.

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